Interview with a Demon
by Ria del Lobo Violeta
Summary: I have decided to take matter into my own hands and created a series of hypothetical interviews with some of the Demon Kingdom's smexiest men. Read and find out what happens--you never know what might get brought up ; one-shots
1. Conrad & Yosak

Interview with a Demon (or two)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Kyo Kara Maou or any of the characters portrayed in this story. If I did, things would get very interesting . . . ; )

This is dedicated to my good friend and fellow co-conspirator _lunarwerewolf_. I hope you and others enjoy this, because if you don't, I'll hunt you down and make you walk the plank!

~*~

Hello, and welcome to tonight's episode of **Pirate's Plunder**! I'm your host, _El Capitan_. Today we have two very special guests visiting us from the exotic and beautiful Demon Kingdom. I asked them here to finally get to the heart of a very important matter that I know each and every one of you watching wants to find out more about. Please welcome Yosak Gurrier and Lord Conrart Weller!

(Cue applause; both men walk in and take their respective seats opposite mine.)

**Me**: First of all, I want to thank you both for taking time out of your busy schedules to come and do this interview.

**Conrart**: Thank you for inviting us, even though I'm not quite sure if this will help quell the rumors you've been telling us about.

**Yosak**: I agree with the captain. I don't think our answers will matter much, but it sounds like it'll be fun.

**Me**: Um . . . I'm the captain. Were you agreeing with Lord Weller?

**Yosak**: Oh; right, sorry about that.

**Me**: No worries. Now, shall we get straight to the point? You're both aware that fan girls (and some fan boys) are writing fictional stories portraying you two as lovers, correct?

**Yosak**: I actually find it quite flattering. I've never read any of them myself; hell, I didn't even know about them until yesterday, but the fact that these young kids want to write about us feels pretty nice.

**Me**: And what about you, Lord Weller? Do you mind if I call you Conrad? I like your American name better.

**Conrad**: That's fine by me. Honestly, I'm not sure what to think of these 'fan fictions'. They're very . . . interesting to say the least.

**Me**: Have you read any of them?

**Conrad**: . . . I've perused a few.

**Yosak**: (turns to look at his brunette friend) Really? Did you find anything good?

**Conrad**: Yes and no. I mostly just looked at the summaries.

**Yosak**: You're not afraid of what's actually in them, are you?

**Conrad**: (looks down and pinches the bridge of his nose) No; yaoi just takes some getting used to, that's all.

**Yosak**: What's yaoi?

**Conrad**: (still looking down) I'll explain later, although honestly, I think I know more than I should.

**Me**: So, anyway . . . let's talk about the nature of the relationship you two actually share. Is there more than just friendship going on between you guys?

**Yosak**: (looks away) Oh boy, here we go. Do you wanna tell 'em or should I?

**Conrad**: I honestly believe that a relationship shouldn't have to be defined by things like friendship or love. Yosak and I simply share a deep bond with each other that goes back for a very long time. It's as simple as that.

**Me**: I had a feeling you would give an ambiguously vague answer. Ok, let me put it to you this way—are you two sleeping together?

**Yosak**: Oh yeah, we sleep together all the time. Although I must say that Conrart has a really bad habit of jerking his arms around while he's dreaming. He did it even when he was a kid.

**Me**: I think you both know that's not what I meant by that question.

**Conrad**: You want to know if we're engaging in sexual intercourse with one another.

**Me**: As you so elegantly put it, yes.

**Yosak**: (turns to look at Conrad) Imagine if she were having this conversation with His Majesty and Wolfram. Their faces would be as red as my hair. (He starts laughing.)

**Me**: Let's not avoid the question now, guys. Come on, be honest.

**Conrad**: Well, as I mentioned before, I don't think our answer is going to make a difference to your audience. All these fan fiction writers will simply come up with their own little fantasies about us regardless of what we say.

**Me**: So I guess this is going to be the hard way, huh?

**Yosak**: Oh, he always does things the hard way. (gives a quick wink)

**Me**: Was that an innuendo I just caught from you, Mr. Gurrier?

**Yosak**: I don't recall doing anything of the sort. Are you sure it isn't just your imagination twisting my words around?

**Me**: (sigh) Ok, fine; if you two won't fess up about your relationship, can you tell us what's going on with any of the other men back in Shin Makoku?

**Yosak**: (starts laughing) For as long as I've been a spy, I honestly have no idea what goes on at the castle. It's probably because I'm always gone on a mission so I'm never around long enough to tell. What do you think, captain?

**Conrad**: You're essentially asking if there's anything going on between Gwendal and Anessina, Yuri and Wolfram, etc.

**Me**: Well, those are the most conventional pairings, yes. But I'd be willing to hear about any other kinds of things going on over there. (cue sly, evil grin)

**Yosak**: Pairings? Is that what you fan people call them? And what do you mean by 'conventional'?

**Me**: Basically, there are a few individuals out there who get in their crazy heads to pair up people you normally wouldn't picture together, like Gwendal and Günter.

**Yosak**: (gets a disgusted look on his face) Lord von Voltaire and Lord von Klist?! Are you serious?!

**Me**: You think that's bad? You should see the Conrad-Yuri pairings.

(Yosak stands up out of his chair, dives for the nearest waste basket, and starts vomiting. Conrad thankfully appears to have more self-control than the redhead, even though a tiny part of him probably wanted to forcefully eject the inner contents of his stomach as well. After a few moments of coughing and hacking, Yosak finally gains some composure and rejoins us.)

**Yosak**: You mean people actually write that kind of stuff?! Geez . . . I'll have to admit, I've wondered about Lord von Voltaire and Lord von Klist sometimes, but Conrart and His Majesty? That's going way too far.

**Me**: Well, it's too late for that one. You name it and it's been done. There's been Gwendal-Wolfram, Wolfram-Conrad, Yuri-Murata, Murata-Shinou, Wolfram-Adelbert, Gwendal-Yuri . . .

(Yosak looks like he's going to be sick again.)

**Conrad**: I'm sorry, but I think we'll have to end this interview before he becomes completely traumatized. (he stands up out of his chair) Come on, Yosak; let's go. I'll buy you a drink.

**Me**: I'd offer you some rum if I could find it.

**Conrad**: That's quite all right. Thank you for your time.

**Me**: (I stand up and shake their hands.) Thank you for the interesting evening. Sorry about that, Yosak. We'll just pretend that part of the conversation never happened.

(Yosak merely waves his hand as Conrad gently leads him away from the stage with one arm around his friend's shoulder.)

**Me**: Well, there you have it folks. We may not have gotten what we wanted out of those two, but I'm sure the truth will reveal itself sooner or later. So be sure to petition your local anime network for English-dubbed episodes of season 3! Have a good night!

The End (?)


	2. Gwendal & Gunther

Interview with a Demon: Part Two

**Disclaimer:** I obviously still don't own KKM. Ownership negotiations have been put on hold (jk).

* * *

Hello, rabid fans, and welcome to another episode of _**Pirate's Plunder**_! Due to our recent amount of popularity and a newly developing relationship with Shin Makoku, the network has graciously seen fit to allow us to conduct yet another interview with more guests from the Demon Kingdom. Without further ado, please welcome Lord Gwendal von Voltaire and Lord Günter von Klist! (Cue applause; even if you're reading this by yourself in your room, I want you to start clapping.)

(Both men enter the room solemnly and sit down in the chairs opposite mine. Günter is smiling but constantly looking around as if everything were strange and interesting.)

**Me:** Thank you both for coming. This means a lot to both myself and the fans. So, are you guys familiar with the layout of the show? Do you have any questions before we get started?

**Günter:** Thank you for allowing us to come! This is all very exciting and such a great honor! Will this be shown on the thing called television? I was on that once, you know.

**Me:** Um, yeah, something like that. Did you have any questions or concerns, Lord von Voltaire?

**Gwendal:** No. Conrart already explained everything. What concerns me is why young people like you know about our lives and write stories about things that would never logically happen.

**Me:** That may be true, but I think it's all just harmless fun, really.

**Gwendal:** After seeing what happened to my best spy, you call that harmless?

**Me:** Point taken; but this show is about you two gentlemen, so let's get this started, shall we?

**Gwendal:** You're honestly not going to ask us the same questions you asked Conrart and Yosak, are you?

**Me:** Well, yeah, because that's pretty much all my fans want to know about. Does that make you uncomfortable at all?

**Gwendal:** Then let me ask you a question. Why are you doing this? Does this serve a greater purpose at all or have any significance whatsoever?

**Günter:** Oh, Gwendal, stop it. Just let her ask the questions. That's why we're here, isn't it?

**Gwendal:** I don't think people like her should be allowed to run these kinds of programs.

**Me:** SO . . . How about I start with you, Lord von Klist? Is there anyone in particular you're involved with right now in the romantic sense?

**Günter:** Well, my heart is always filled with love for His Majesty. He can do no wrong in my eyes, but I worry about him every time he's gone from the castle and he always manages to get himself into the most terrible situations. I do wish he would let me stay by his side to protect him and guide him like I should as his advisor.

**Me:** Um, it's safe to assume that this is a platonic love, correct?

**Günter:** I'm afraid I don't understand—there's more than one type of love?

**Me:** (whisper to Gwendal) He doesn't get out much, does he?

**Gwendal:** (eyes me with that characteristically stern look)

**Me:** Ok, fine. Since time is of the essence, I'm just going to come out and say it. Are you two lovers or not?

**Günter:** (has a shocked look on his face) I beg your pardon?! Are you suggesting that people think that we are lovers?! (he turns to look at Gwendal)

**Me:** Uh, yeah. You two are probably the third most favorite pairing out of the entire fandom.

**Günter:** I, I don't understand . . . to even think about something like that . . . with Lord von Voltaire . . . (he starts getting a nosebleed, jumps out of his chair, and runs out of the room)

**Gwendal:** Now look what you've done. That makes TWO traumatized people I have to deal with.

**Me:** I just asked a simple, straightforward question, that's all. I'm sorry if neither Yosak or Lord von Klist could handle the content of these interviews. Tell you what—if you answer my questions, then you're free to go and you'll never have to deal with this stuff ever again.

**Gwendal:** I have half a mind to just walk out and end this right now.

**Me:** Then I guess you don't want the purple teddy bear then, huh? What a shame, especially since I saw you eyeing it as soon as you got here.

**Gwendal:** (proceeds to give me the death glare) You play a cruel game, young lady.

**Me:** Pirate, duh! So anyway, back to the question I put forth earlier. Are you and Lord von Klist currently in a sexual relationship?

**Gwendal:** What I do with my personal life is none of your business. That goes for all those other fan people as well. Lord von Klist and I are not lovers—end of story.

**Me:** The funny thing is I actually believe you.

**Gwendal:** How is that funny?

**Me:** Because if you two were screwing each other, I don't think you'd be so uptight and serious all the time. But maybe you two really are having sex and he's just really bad in bed. In that case, you should probably move on to someone else who can actually show you a good time. Would like me to make any recommendations?

**Gwendal:** That's it, I'm out of here. You can keep the goddamn teddy bear. (He stands up and walks out of the room angrily.)

**Me:** Damn, I guess that interview's screwed. Sorry about that, folks. Hopefully we can get them both to come back and do a second round, but I highly doubt it. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this rather eventful evening and keep a weather eye on the horizon for another episode of _**Pirate's Plunder**_! Have a good night!

The End (?)


	3. Yuuri & Wolfram

Interview with a Demon: Part Three

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own KKM. (sigh) What else is new?

* * *

Greetings, one and all, and welcome back to _**Pirate's Plunder**_! I'm glad to see that many of you have tuned into the antics of this show, but hang on to your bandanas because we have a real doozy from the Demon Kingdom for you tonight. It is my great honor to introduce King Yuuri and Lord von Bielefelt! Let's give 'em a big hand!

(The blonde and brunette both walk in and sit down. Yuuri wears a nervous smile, but Wolfram is obviously pouting about something.)

**Me**: Welcome to the show, gentlemen! Glad you could make it.

**Yuuri**: Um, yeah, thanks. I've never been on a TV show before, but this is kind of cool.

**Me**: Is everything all right, Wolfram?

**Wolfram**: (fixes me with a hard, green stare) No, of course not!

**Me**: Do you want to talk about it? Maybe that will help you feel better.

**Yuuri**: Are you still mad at me, Wolf?

**Wolfram**: Of course, you idiot! You didn't even ask me if I wanted to be here and now we're talking to this girl who you won't be able to resist and sharing our private lives with thousands of other people who will want my fiancée!

**Me**: Wow. Didn't you tell him about the interview?

**Yuuri**: I tried to, but after seeing Yosak and Günter, he didn't want us to do it. Honestly, I was kind of nervous about it myself.

**Me**: Well, Wolfram, let me help you out here a little bit. I'm just going to state for the record that I have no intentions of stealing Yuuri away from you and I think that you guys are one of the cutest couples in Shin Makoku.

**Yuuri**: WHAT?!

**Wolfram**: You do?

**Me**: Yeah. In fact, so do a lot of other people.

**Yuuri**: Oh no. Is that what this is about?

**Me**: What did you think I brought you here to talk about? Bearbees?

**Yuuri**: Aw, man. Do people really think we're in love with each other like that?

**Wolfram**: Are you saying you don't love me?!

**Yuuri**: No, Wolf, I didn't mean it like that—

**Wolfram**: I knew it! I've been nothing but a devoted fiancée and this is how you repay me?!

**Yuuri**: Wolf, will you calm down and let me explain—

**Wolfram**: There's nothing to explain, Yuuri! You're a two timing lecher who doesn't even care!

(He stands up to leave, but I quickly intervene.)

**Me**: WOLFRAM, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

(Both boys look at me with wide, scared eyes.)

**Me**: Look—obviously, this interview is getting out of hand, so therefore I'm going to do all the talking from now on. Wolfram, Yuuri cares about you much more than you know. So stop calling him an idiot and complaining about every little thing he does. And you, Yuuri, you kind of are a wimp but you've been getting better. Now, tell me—how do you two actually feel about each other?

(Both of them look at each other awkwardly and then look away in embarrassment.)

**Me**: (with a big smirk on my face) I think that just about explains everything.

**Yuuri**: What?! No, no, no; you've got it all wrong. Wolfram is a guy and—

**Me**: All the fans don't seem to care. Seriously, I think that you're just uncomfortable with the notion of homosexuality and that you shouldn't knock it until you try it. (I say with a smile)

(Yuuri looks at me like I'm crazy and Wolfram looks just plain confused.)

**Me**: Tell you what—give Wolfram a kiss and then see how you feel.

**Yuuri**: (almost jumps out of his chair) You want me to WHAT?! I-I've never even kissed a girl!

**Me**: That makes things a lot more interesting . . .

**Yuuri**: This is ridiculous! I am NOT gay and I am NOT going to kiss Wolfram!

(He turns to look at the blonde who now has such a hurt look and sorrowful eyes that the demon king instantly regrets saying those words.)

**Yuuri**: Wolf, I—

**Wolfram**: No, don't say any more, Yuuri. It's clear that you never wanted to be my fiancée.

(He gets up to leave, but Yuuri stands up and grasps his hand, making him stop and turn around. I sit on the edge of my seat hastily eating a bag of popcorn.)

**Yuuri**: Wolf, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know that you've been devoted and loyal this whole time and I guess I should tell you that you're one of the strongest, most passionate people I know.

**Wolfram**: You really mean that, Yuuri?

**Yuuri**: Yeah. (He holds the other boy's hand tighter. Their bodies are now closer, and they peer deeply into each other's eyes.)

(Then they both turn to look at me as I'm leaning in.)

**Me**: Please, don't mind me.

**Yuuri**: I think we'll just leave now. Come on, Wolf; let's go get some ramen. (He starts to lead the other boy out of the room.)

**Wolfram**: Is that like soba?

**Yuuri**: Yeah, sure. It's really great, especially if you put some leeks and . . . (his voice becomes incoherent as they walk out the studio door)

**Me**: Damn, just when things started to get good. Oh well—drama aside, I think that particular interview was a lot more revealing than the other ones. Thanks for watching and who knows; maybe more episodes lie ahead in the future, especially since there are plenty of others to torture—I mean, interview. Have a good night, folks!

The End (?)

* * *

**Author's Note**: This might be the end of the series, but I am seriously thinking of doing other interviews. Your feedback will be the ultimate deciding factor. Suggest or vote for the next potential interviewees and let me know what you thought of these little numbers! Thank you so much!


End file.
